and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
