I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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