Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
