I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
