ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
