Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
