Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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