I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We are two peas in an std pod
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
