so let's talk penis.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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