she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
