wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
