my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
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After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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