She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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