guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
