Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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