Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
