I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
