Pappa wants mamma naked
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
