Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
