So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
