I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
