I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
