dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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