Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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