That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
