is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
