Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
