It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
