boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
