I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
