so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
