Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
