I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
