the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
