Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
