i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
