went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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