Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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