Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
