handjob tips. give me some.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
