Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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