I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
