i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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