my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
