Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
