I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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