I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
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I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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