And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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