Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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