Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He felt like a one man threesome
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
