i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
