This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
