Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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