a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
