I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
