oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
