I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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