i need an iv and a liver transplant
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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