Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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