I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
