I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
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There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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