I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
