I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
