I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
