Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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