I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
