Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
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I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
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I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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