Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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