I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
