So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
