I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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