The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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