My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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