dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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