o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
