I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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