There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
