News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
