as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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