Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
