Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Someone shit on the floor
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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