Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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