Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So vagazzling was a success
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
