the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize