Plan B is the new Plan A
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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