My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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